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translating from the jeremy

Jeremy was up late last night making robotfindskitten work on my iMac. I am reading him headlines from the451.

J: You’re finding out about the world from your own sources!

R (somewhat surprised): It’s really good.

J: Any robotfindskitten coverage?

R: If we’d had a good robotfindskitten correspondent, I wouldn’t have needed to ask you.

J: Well, now you know there’s a wozzname wozzname, you can thing.

R (laughing): Untapped opportunity, capitalize.

J: Precisely.

song lyrics

Speaking of politics, my big brother contributes this fine snatch of homegrown Australian rap, collected from the eclipse-and-music festival at Lyndhurst:

“John Howard is a filthy slut!
I know he got elected but,
he’s no leader of mine,
he’s a national shame,
leading our country down the drain…”

Jeremy points out that if your accent is broad enough, the last three lines can be made to rhyme.

Another fragment of song was left over from the dream last night:

“I’m cool as the ocean
a slave to compassion
turning and burning
in the approved fashion…”

culprit

The word dream springs from the same linguistic root as trauma, isn’t that interesting? I had another social-anxiety nightmare. In this one, Alusha left an angry and detailed message on my voicemail accusing me of having spilled the beans to her gay friends about her engagement to Matt Crosby, thus spoiling a tea party she’d held in Brisbane’s Botanic Gardens in order to make the announcement herself.

Now, as far as I know, Alusha and Matt have never met, let alone been to Brisbane. They’re from entirely different branches of the Yatima extended family. Even in the dream, I maintained that I didn’t know any of Alusha’s gay friends and therefore couldn’t be the source of the leak, but since I make that kind of faux pas all the time, I was nonetheless considered the likeliest culprit. To my relief, the rest of the dream devolved into an intricate set of real estate dealings around Manly and Bondi beaches.

Trying to wake up enough to drive to SFO. For the second time in ten years, my shy and phobic mother is flying alone halfway around the world to see me. I’m very proud of her.

the sun went out

So it seems my entire family had a delightful time at the solar eclipse without me. Hmmph. Researching avenues for revenge, I pull up this map, which is very cool, and Jeremy says: “My birthday! South America!”

I say: “You’ll be fifty! Argentina! Let’s do it!”

“Fifty,” says Jeremy forlornly. “Fifty.”

bukes

Still reading, reading. Turns out great big Victorian novels are the number one antidote to late-pregnancy frustration and psychosis, and Anthony Trollope is the great big leather daddy of great big Victorian novels. It doesn’t hurt that The Way We Live Now and Can You Forgive Her? would be excellent alternate titles for Charlie Ravioli, of course, but the reason I’m devouring my Trollope in huge chunks is that he gives great character. There’s a passage in The Eustace Diamonds where our antiheroine Lizzie is sitting in a garden, being all picturesque and reading a long poem of Shelley’s. She gets about twenty lines into it, wilfully misinterprets everything as a reference to herself and her situation, commits a line or two to memory then floats off, happily convinced, the narrator assures us, that she has really studied and made her own the entire text. As if that’s not damning (and funny) enough, the narrator adds that later in life she learns to choose the lines she commits to memory from the end of the poem rather than the beginning, as you only get credit for reading the poem up to your quotation from it, and not one line further.

It’s a fabulous scene because it demonstrates not only Lizzie’s shallowness but the exact shape and scale of her misapprehensions about the world she would like to be a part of: a world where she will be thought of as a creative, poetic soul but not one where that would involve actually, you know, reading and understanding the poem or anything strenuous like that. Yet the narrator isn’t unkind to Lizzie. He mocks her and pins her like a butterfly to a card, but he is actually quite a lot harder on our putative hero and heroine, Lucy Morris and Frank Greystock. Frank is one of a series of wholly useless and morally suspect romantic heroes that crop up regularly in the Trollope I’ve read so far: John Bold in The Warden is another and Paul Montague in The Way We Live Now is the exemplar of the type. What’s staggering about this series of indecisive, weak and malleable men is that they end up getting the girl.

I love this. Trollope doesn’t have good guys and bad guys, per se. Even Melmotte, who comes as close to a Trollopian villain as makes no never mind, is granted a lucid and sympathetic end. Trollope’s world is vast and sprawling and coherent from novel to novel. The same milieux and families crop up again and again. But there’s no hard line between morality and laxness, as Austen and Dickens have trained you to expect. Instead, there’s a series of fine judgments drawn out on a case-by-case basis. A person can do reprehensible things and still be a decent person, as in the case of Paul Montague’s hapless American fiance Mrs Hurtle. A person can be entirely admirable, the moral center of an entire novel, as is Montague’s cousin Roger Carbury, and Trollope will still see to it that he is condemned for being boring, and that his rival gets to carry off his sweetheart.

If I’ve noticed a couple of themes emerging in my own fiction, they are The Innocent Are Punished and The Guilty Walk Free. Turns out Trollope strip-mined this ethical terrain a century and a half before I stumbled over his tailings, but I’m delighted to concede his priority, especially with another forty-odd novels to wallow in. (Shameful confession: most days I’d rather read than write.) His narrative line is often convoluted, he meanders, he overuses the dramatic coincidence and in general he could use a thorough edit, but none of this is remotely surprising considering that, like his contemporaries Dickens, Oliphant and Thackeray, he was writing serials for magazines. I should concede at once that he’s a darling of the Tories and anathema to the Marxists because he’s considered retrogressive and narrow in his concerns, confining his interests to the behaviour of spoiled rich English people. Of course, both kinds of critics take their quotes from near the beginnings of his books. Anyway, Trollope’s way ahead of them, having already skewered the complacent and the meaninglessly revolutionary in lines our critics will no doubt assume do not refer to the likes of them. Satire is a cracked glass in which we are liable to see every face but our own. I wish I’d said that.

Trollope is part of one big block of reading I’m doing at the moment, sort of Late Imperial Thought (or What Were They Thinking?): I also have Roy Jenkins’ monumental Churchill biography on my to-read list. This is all essentially background reading for a more specific project I have under way, about Ada Lovelace’s daughter. A third line of inquiry is around the same period, but local: I’ve just picked up Imperial San Francisco and a biography of Julia Morgan. Now all I need is vast chunks of time to assimilate it all. I’d better not do anything rash like, I don’t know, have a baby or anything…

microcosm

I swear, I don’t know why I ever leave Atlas at all. This morning, a kindly tutor lecturing a budding screenwriter on craft:

“Y’see, this passage: ‘This has been the most amazing experience of my life. I would like to thank everyone involved, especially my mother, who taught me the true meaning of wisdom and compassion…’ For one thing, you’re telling, not showing. If it’s not obvious what his mother’s taught him by now, there’s no point spelling it out. For another thing, I find this a little unbelievable coming from an eleven-year-old boy…

“Then there’s the classic novice error of putting too much in the stage directions. This one, for example: ‘You can see by his face that it is his mother’s birthday…'”

stanley redux

I think I might put a Stanley Hammer in Charlie Ravioli. He’ll be married to Lily, and their son’s name will be Maxwell Silver.

I think there will also be an exotic dancer called Tacoma Narrows.

a forthright woman in atlas cafe

“You’re not bad with money. No. No. I mean honestly, I think you’re the only person I know around here who isn’t living paycheck to paycheck. And you’re buying cars and paying for her freakin’ education and living in the highest cost-of-living… Yeah, but you do what you want, right? … I mean, Katy, she made like eighty thousand a year, and every month she’s like Oh, my credit card, and everyone says, Where does the money go? and she says It just goes away, I don’t know. So we sat down and made a budget. She buys a lot of clothes, she takes a lot of trips, Portland, Mexico, Europe. It all adds up. And she’s a high maintenance girl, she gets her hair done, nails done. And then she has to make payments on her car because she wants a nicer, newer car. Cleaning lady, dry cleaning – she gets tons of things dry cleaned. And I’m like, I don’t do half those things. And then she starts to realize…

“I mean, I totally was living above my means, my credit card, but then it all evened out because this settlement I got, the disability, it paid off the whole amount.”

stanley hammer, esq

We put all the Ikea furniture together using a cheap pair of pliers to bang in the nails. I’d try to do this, then hit my thumb and whine, so Jeremy ended up having to do most of it. That’s why, after my doctor’s appointment today, I stopped by Soko Hardware in Japantown and bought their very finest hammer: the Stanley AntiVibe One-Piece Forged Steel Curved Claw Nail Hammer. As Faith the Evil Slayer once said, It’s a thing of beauty, chief.

The elderly Japanese lady who helped me with my purchase asked when I’m due, and when I said two weeks, she narrowed her eyes and said:

“She’s moved down already though, yes?”

…which, seeing as the doctor had just told me so, impressed me greatly. In accordance with proverb, they Know Things, these Old Wives.

Back to the hammer. I tied it with a cheery bow. Jeremy’s decided to keep the bow until it gets annoying, which will probably be the first time he tries to bang a thing.

Yay for Ikea, anyway. After six months spent trailing the other pregnant and freshly infanted couples around the Emeryville store, we finally have our custom array of ingenious Swedish storage solutions installed. There are now designated places for ten years’ worth of photographs, five years’ worth of New Scientist, Jeremy’s techno-trousers, my endlessly accumulating books, all Claire’s worldly goods. There’s a shelf to hang our stainless steel cookware from and an ickle dishwasher that is the joy of my heart. The apartment is tidy and highly functional. It feels… shipshape.

politics and my cat

Gotta hand it to Bush, the man is full of surprises. What the independent commission on 9/11 needed at its head was a statesman, an honest man with a reputation for decency and compassion. Someone whose probity would be unquestioned by all parties. Someone like… Kissinger.

“I can’t remember — when Kissinger signs a U.S. Government paycheck, does he use a ballpoint pen, or the bloody, severed limb of an East Timorese child?”

Meanwhile the Australian prime minister John Coward is floating the idea of a change to the UN Charter to permit pre-emptive strikes against terrorist targets, for conspicuously undefined definitions of the word “terrorist”. 40 million people around the world are infected with HIV and infection rates are accelerating. Vast dust clouds swallow up rural Australian towns. War, famine, pestilence: what sort of sick individual would bring a child into a world like this?

In other news, the cat is scaling hitherto undreamt-of heights of cuteness, sitting in the crook of my arm and nuzzling my cheek, her whiskers tickling me as she purrs. Somehow she senses that the days of child-substitute-as-cushy-sinecure are numbered.

roofies

Sadists are working on the roof of the house two doors down. Our bedroom overlooks the rooftops, which is usually very Aww, how gorgeous, except when people attack nearby roofs with crowbars at 8am on a Saturday. I’d been awake until 2am (novel); Jeremy didn’t get to bed until 4am (code). We reviled our neighbors in our hearts.

The roofies have technique, I’ll give them that much. After a good session with the crowbar, they gave us just long enough to doze off again while they set up the Loud Noise-Making Device. When the delight of this apparatus had palled, they resorted to simple hammers.

“I hope they bang their thumbs,” I told my sleepy spouse, who replied:

“They’d just yell.”

a suffusion of yellow

Ever have one of those days when the universe just wants to rub your nose in the fundamental interconnectedness of things?

3.30pm: Write thank-you note to colleagues for huge pile of gifts for baby.

4pm: Send wreath to Christchurch, New Zealand, for Jeremy’s grandfather’s funeral.

poetry and prozac

An heiress who – and much of the coverage missed this (I think) very salient point – was declared mentally incompetent in 1981, has donated $100m to a tiny Chicago poetry magazine called (imaginatively) Poetry Magazine. The fallout is already hilarious: Zyzzyva editor Howard Junker with his nose very decidedly out of joint in the letters pages of the New York Times, and so forth.

It is, as critics accuse, very bad philanthropy, yet the possibilities are tantalizing! Will poets become wildly rich and fawned-over celebrities, as in Henry Fool? Will the thirty thousand surplus screenwriters of Los Angeles up stakes and move to Windy City to try their hands at haiku? Will Charlie Kaufman favour us with a villanelle?

Did I mention she’s one of the heirs to the Lilly fortune, as in Prozac? How can you not love modern America when it just transcends parody?

i swear, he’s doing it on purpose

J: I’ve got my accounting principles undies on!

I look at him blankly. He turns around. There’s a seam between two of the logos on the waistband of his boxers, so instead of saying GAP it says GAAP.

short cuts

1.

R: She’s kicking me in the bladder again! I ask you is this right is this fair?

J: Blad the impaler.

2.

R (of Michael Jackson): He dangled a child off a balcony. Apparently they’re going to charge him.

J: With child endanglement?

charlie go surf!

50,015.

(It’s actually not finished yet; I still have about four chapters to write. That said, it’s my longest sustained piece of fiction, ever. And it doesn’t entirely suck.)

love in a time of crypto

Jeremy’s parents have been staying with us, and seem mystified by certain passages of our banter. This morning Jeremy had the Black Ops of TCP/IP slide show on screen.

R: Alice and Bob, up to their old tricks. I don’t know how they stay out of gaol. They’re clearly nefarious.

J: Those pesky kids.

R: I should have put them in the novel.

J: Still can!

R: “Alice and Bob got married… it was a very private wedding.”

J: “Oh good, so Bob overcame the man in the middle then?”

We fall about laughing.

Jan, J’s mother, frankly: These are dreadful jokes.

guilt

I have inadvertantly greatly offended someone with a novel excerpt that he read out of context.

R: And the moral is, never date a satirist. Too late for you!

J (laughing): Too late for you!

why didn’t i think of this before?

This has been been ecky Two Thousand And Two-sday.

and:

J: Grant says we shouldn’t use our cat as a duster, especially where animal rights activists can see us.

R: But she purred!