also, she likes to stick raisins up her nose

It’s come to our attention that Claire is viewed as some kind of miraculous prodigy, an angel child with profound insight into the properties of matter, space and time. This is not exactly the case. She’s delaying publication of her paper on room-temperature fusion until the results can be independently verified. Her screenplay has not, as rumored, been green-lighted by a major studio. We’re still waiting to hear back. As for the selection of her juvenilia to be published in the New Yorker this fall, I might as well admit now that she is dating the poetry editor.

In short, she’s just like any other normal, healthy sixteen-month-old. Thanks for your attention to this matter.

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