1. The Second Amendment

Rebecca: I have an old .45 with no recoil.

Paul: You’ve never fired that one have you?

Rebecca: I have not fired that one.

Paul: It would break your arm.

Rebecca: Yes. And I have a .22. And I want to get a shotgun, for personal protection. I’d saw it off and keep it under my pillow, and if I saw anyone coming at me in my bedroom at night, bang. With a shotgun, it won’t go through the walls, and it won’t kill you unlesss you’re very, very close to me. I don’t really want to kill anyone.

Jeremy: The paperwork.

Rebecca: Exactly!

2. A successful shopping trip

Emily: I bought shoes and a vibrator!

Mark: Do they match?

3. Unprecedented

Me: Eeuw, heterosexual germs in your hot tub!

Peter: Darling, that’s what chlorine’s for.

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