infrequently asked questions

Hey Miss Rach: Why do you and others like you think Obama is the Messiah? Are you NUTS or what?
Dear querent: speaking only for myself and others like me, WE DON’T. Nor do we think he is the Son of Man, the Lamb of God, the Lion of Judah, or any other deity, religious leader, prophet, revelatory presence, allegorical farm or zoo animal or personification of an abstract principle, um, have I left anything out?

That’s because me and others like me are atheists and agnostics. You, revered figment of my Socratic dialogue, may want a Messiah, but I don’t want a Messiah. I don’t like Messiahs. I don’t like Chosen Ones, Those Who Were Foretold, prophecies, Sons of Adam, Daughters of Eve, Boys Who Lived or magical swords or rings. That shit’s undemocratic, yo.

I and others like me don’t want to be saved. We’re busy trying to bootstrap our way to grace. Keep your spiritual venture capital with its onerous term sheet attached! We’re not signing anything! That’s why we’re atheists and agnostics.

Obama’s Christlike to the extent that both he and Jesus were (gasp!) community organizers. Faith moves mountains, but only if you bring a shovel. Other than that, Senator My Boyfriend is just an intelligent and competent good-government liberal. He won’t walk on water, but he just might do something to address the titanic mess bequeathed to the next President by the current administration, to wit: unwinnable wars on two fronts, a massive deficit and a catastrophic global financial crisis, all traceable directly to the recklessness and bankrupt ideology of Bush and his cronies. (Blame any of this on the Democratic Congress of ’06 and I swear I will spit in your eye, bipartisanship be damned.)

Hey Miss Rach: Antichrist much?
Dear seeker after truth: oh, please.
Hey Miss Rach: Who the hell are you, a citizen of Australia and Great Britain, to speak for any part of the American people, the Democratic party machine, progressive voters, women or San Franciscan residents named Rach? Did you get your green card on April Fool’s?
Dear imaginary interlocutor: I did indeed, good sir or ma’am. I did indeed.

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