in which we audition for the capitol steps

Jim: So how’re things?

R: Bad. I just don’t think there’s been enough coverage of the Reagan funeral.

Jim: I understand. You want live streaming media, 24/7.

R: Exactly. I need to know where the coffin is right now.

Jim: Did you see the interview with his embalmer? The guy’s been living on Krispy Kreme donuts for a week.

R: Yeah, did you like how he said it was the highlight of his life? The disturbing thing is that he’s been planning this for twenty years. Twenty years ago, Reagan was president…

Jim: I’m worried about the whole embalming thing, what with the coffin flying to and from DC. It gets steamy in Washington.

R: Mmm, and people are going to be taking their kids and all. Fun day out for the family! Dead president, lying in state!

Jim (snif-snif): ‘Hey, what’s that smell?’


Jim: Well, I’m off. I hope the report doesn’t crush your spirit.

R: It’s not the report. It’s losing Reagan. I’m a broken woman.

Jim: It’s not an easy time.

R: Giant among men. Defeated communism, world hunger, invasion from Mars. Slew dragons! Saved puppies!

Jim: Struck down the sodomites with genetically engineered AIDS!

R: Yeah, and no more films with Reagan and a chimpanzee!

Jim: How will we go on?

R: I guess we could make films with Dubya and a chimpanzee.

Jim: ‘They’re twins! Only their mother can tell them apart!’

(Thank you very much! We’ll be here all week!)

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