on your permanent record


Me: Did you have fun in the science museum?

Ross (my nephew, aged 4): Were you with me?

Me (confused): Yes, I’ve been with you all day.

Ross: Then you know what kind of a day I’ve had.


Ian: I’m inventing television!

Me: We’ve already got one. It’s verra naice.


Kathryn: We stayed in the Standard Hotel.

Jeremy: Where the rooms are one metre wide and high. And everything weighs a kilogram.

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